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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836663">Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smol_fangirl/pseuds/smol_fangirl'>smol_fangirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alex tries to be the responsible one, Caleb Covington? More like Caleb GONEvington because I refuse to deal with him, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I needed to get some cuteness in there at the end so it might not perfectly fit canon, I wrote actual song lyrics for this and no I don't know what I'm doing, Luke and the dream box, Luke gets one f-bomb because he deserves it, Other, Swearing, and he can't deal with people crying but that's nothing new, in part two Luke finds out about Perfect Harmony, in this house our love language is touch, mostly at least, one obligatory pun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:27:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smol_fangirl/pseuds/smol_fangirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke knows they're running out of time and there are some things that are too important to leave them unsaid. So, he writes Julie a song. </p><p> </p><p>The lyrics don’t stop coming. His hand cramps from wringing the words out of his heart, from fumbling with the melody and pondering over every note. He feels dizzy, trying to keep up. He knows it’s only a draft. He knows he can’t stop till it’s perfect. (If Julie walked in, he’d take a break. But the light in her room went out two hours ago.)<br/>The page in front of him looks like he’s trying to wrap it in inked strings of lyrics.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex &amp; Julie Molina &amp; Luke Patterson &amp; Reggie, Alex &amp; Luke Patterson &amp; Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>460</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me? Using Taylor Swift lyrics as a fic title, again? It's more likely than you think!<br/>I got the idea for this fic in the middle of the night, when I was trying to fall asleep, and then I made myself cry so hard about this that I couldn't sleep for another hour. (I get very emotional at night, okay?) So, naturally, I had to write it. I swear it's not just sad, though.<br/>(And please don't judge the lyrics. I'm a fic writer, not a songwriter. I don't know what I'm doing, but I was too invested not to try.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He knows they’re watching him. Their stare is a nagging pain in his side, right below his clenching heart. Alex is probably chewing on his bottom lip, and Reggie always looks like a puppy when he's confused. </p><p>His pen moves faster over the paper.</p><p>Reggie clears his throat. “You’re not writing with Julie?”</p><p>Luke doesn’t need to glimpse up to know he’s wiggling his eyebrows. It’s enough to <em>hear</em> it. “Shut up,” he grumbles. His voice cracks.</p><p>In a second, Alex sits next to him, shoulder bumping against his. The touch doesn’t comfort him like it used to. “Hey, man, everything alright?”</p><p>With a sigh, Luke slams his notebook shut. “I’m just,” he begins, only to swallow the rest of the sentence down. In his mind, he sees her sitting on the couch, right where he is now. Alone. In the dark. No band. No music.</p><p>Crying.</p><p>With a shake of his head, the image leaves. His guilt lingers.</p><p>Closing his eyes, he tries to conjure a happier picture. Julie on the piano, leaning down, singing only to him in front of a crowd that came just for her. Her face when they performed together for the first time, her happiness radiating from her like a halo. Her voice. Her smile.</p><p>“I’m just thinking…” he starts again, his voice cracking at the edges like thin ice. But it carries him, it has to. “What if we don’t get to play the Orpheum? I don’t want to make the same mistake again and leave Julie behind. Not like that.” Not ever, he thinks.</p><p>He doesn’t notice the glance Reggie and Alex share, or the sad expression that hushes over Reggie’s face. “So, this is for her?” Alex wants to know.</p><p>Luke nods. By the frown on Alex’ face, he must be wearing his puppy eyes again. He never <em>means</em> to look like that, he can’t do it on purpose. He tried. It’s one more thing he has no control over, like the music that always plays inside of him. Or having to leave Julie, one way or another.</p><p><em>Julie</em>.</p><p>The pain in the left side of his chest flares up again.</p><p>“Do you want some space?” Reggie chimes in.</p><p>“Nah, man, all good. You can crash on the armchair if you want.” Luke musters a smile. Neither Reggie nor Alex seem to buy it.</p><p>At least they don’t ask any more questions.</p><hr/><p>When he writes a song, the first line of the first verse is usually stuck in his head. He never knows where it comes from, it’s just there, waiting. Whispering. No matter where or when, that first line shows up like a firework in the night sky, not fading out until he paints it on paper.</p><p>With Julie’s song, there’s no first line. Instead, he finds a feeling, wrapped in a distant memory. Luke remembers the darkness, the way his body didn’t feel tied to anything, as if his soul was floating through the air like dust particles. He remembers Alex crying, and the pull that knocked him off his feet, out of the darkness, out of the cold.</p><p>The first time Julie smiled at him, he caught a glimpse of peace the darkness hadn’t offered him in 25 years.</p><p>(Sadly, that doesn’t fit the melody.)</p><p>The first lyrics flicker in his mind during the pre-chorus now, in the build-up, the longing for the first note of a chorus. It feels weird to write the chorus before the first verse. Wrong, too, at least a little bit until every thought carries her name tag and the words flow out of him like a waterfall.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Living in your memory</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Time won’t ever erase me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wish I could've told you so you know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To me, you're home</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As soon as the lyrics pearl over his lips, something inside him clicks like puzzle pieces falling into place. The chords don’t fit, though, not quite as right as he wants them to be. He spends the next thirteen minutes switching back and forth between versions. It’s still not perfect.</p><p>Burying his face in his head, he groans so loud that Reggie shrieks. The house of cards he’s been building on the coffee table crumbles in an instant.</p><p>“Not cool,” he pouts. “I was almost done.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Luke mumbles through his fingers.</p><p>After five more minutes and Alex loudly clearing his throat at him, he feels confident enough to scribble the notes onto the page. If anything, he can obsess over it tomorrow. Jolts or not, he’ll hold on until this song is done.</p><p>For her.</p><hr/><p>The lyrics don’t stop coming. His hand cramps from wringing the words out of his heart, from fumbling with the melody and pondering over every note. He feels dizzy, trying to keep up. He knows it’s only a draft. He knows he can’t stop till it’s perfect. (If Julie walked in, he’d take a break. But the light in her room went out two hours ago.)</p><p>The page in front of him looks like he’s trying to wrap it in inked strings of lyrics.</p><p>“One day I’ll dance with you together,” he hums along with his guitar. Lets the line linger at the end of the second verse, before his fingers settle on the first chord of the pre-chorus.</p><p>Shaking his head, he crosses it out. Some puzzle pieces, no matter how pretty, just don’t fit.</p><p>He’s never been a great dancer anyway.</p><p>“I like the part with the autumn leaves. From the pre-chorus, I guess?” Alex comments, eyes fixed on Ray’s old Game Boy.</p><p>“Don’t you have a high score to beat?”</p><p>“Nah. You heard Julie, we can’t do that to her dad.”</p><p>“True… or Reggie.”</p><p>“Hey, I can hear you,” Reggie pouts from the armchair.</p><p>Snickering, Alex winks at Luke. “Play it again?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Like autumn leaves down a tree </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I never meant to leave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So can you just maybe</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Keep me as a dream</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And remember me?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Luke wishes he was small enough to fit into her dream box. There, she could never forget him.</p><p>Eyes closed, he carries on into the chorus. Finds new lyrics as he thinks of her smile.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your smile’s the sweetest melody</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My heart ever got to hear </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He thinks of Julie in a few years, off to college, sitting in classes, that cute little frown on her face as she tries to focus. Playing in dive bars and laughing with beautiful strangers. He has no idea what college life looks like, never planned to find out himself. Would she keep playing? Would her music carry her through every pain, every joy? Would she forget him as soon as someone else came along? Would she find their demo CD hidden away in a drawer some day in the future, and smile at the distant memories?</p><p>Would she be happy?</p><p>He needed her to be happy.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please just carry on after I go </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And find your way home</em>
</p><p> </p><p>With a sigh, he strums the last note and scribbles the additions into the two empty lines below the first half of the chorus.</p><p>“Sounds good,” Reggie comments. Sneaking behind Luke, he catches a glimpse at the written mess in front of him. “Dude, that’s a lot of lines.”</p><p>It is a lot. More than he could reasonably fit into one song. He never struggled with carving out the story of a song, or the meaning. His songs were born out of a feeling and then he took that feeling and translated it into music. Now, his feelings are running like water and he’s the bathtub with a broken tap.</p><p>“I can’t help it. They just…” he gestures wildly with his hands, “they’re just in my head.”</p><p>“You’re a glimpse into heaven, now I’m ready to go through hell,” Reggie reads out loud and winces. “Do you want to make her cry with this? Do you want to make <em>me</em> cry?”</p><p>Shrugging, Luke blinks the tears in his eyes away. “It doesn’t fit anyway.”</p><p>Now Alex scooches closer too, patting Luke’s shoulder twice before he points at a few lines he had written down in a hurry earlier. “Is that the bridge?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Man, I wish I could read that.”</p><p>Luke shoves him away, even if a tiny smirk hushes over his lips. “I’ll show you. Not sure I’ll keep it like that, though.” (Truth is, he is sure. But admitting out loud that Julie gets to him like this, that he sincerely writes sappy lines without a second of hesitation now, is too much.)</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your light will shine wherever I’ll be </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll find you again </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If only in my memories</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But before I go</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You need to know</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No song ever came as easy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As falling for you baby </em>
</p><p> </p><p>When the echo of his voice fades in the silent room, his eyes dart to the ground.</p><p>“That was lovely,” Reggie sniffs.</p><p>“Yeah,” Alex says, “Didn’t know you were such a romantic. If one of you ever again says I’m the emotional one, you can cry me a river, ‘kay?”</p><hr/><p>A few hours later, he fumbled every lyrical puzzle piece into place. His fingertips tingle from dancing over the strings for so long, and his mind feels like a book with blank pages, as if he poured every word he ever knew into Julie’s song.</p><p>All he wants to do now is cry until the thought of her finding his notebook doesn’t hurt anymore.</p><p>His guitar safely resting on the couch, Luke lets himself slide down to the ground. A sigh escapes his lips. For how much longer will he stick around? How many more times is he allowed to look up at the chairs on the ceiling (still weird), or at his bandmates (still like home)? How many more times will he see Julie’s smile, hear her voice?</p><p>The first tear rolls down his cheek. He’s leaving too soon. <em>Again</em>. It’s not fair. Not to him, not to Alex and Reggie. Not to Julie. Especially not to her. She pulled them back, gave them hope, a new band, a new family. She brought his parents peace when he didn’t live long enough to offer it.</p><p>And all he could give her back for it was a song and more loss. </p><p>Like a waterfall, more tears drip down on his shirt, slow but steady. He’s too exhausted to even try and wipe them away.</p><p>Suddenly, Alex and Reggie sit by his side. Closing his eyes, Luke leans against Alex’ shoulder. To his other side, Reggie melts into him. They don’t share a word, they don’t have to – the ritual is as old as Sunset Curve itself.</p><p>Luke prays this isn’t the last time he can revel in their comfort.</p><p>In his mind, the evening flickers over the screen in a never-ending loop. His parents. His mom, crying, her hand shaking as it clings to the page. “I wanted to do the same thing for you.” Julie’s hand passing through him, her pout. The little crease on her forehead as she stood in front of him and repeated his words, “Cross over?”. The slam of the door as she hurried away from him, away from the misery he brought her.</p><p>For a second, he almost laughs at himself – for falling for her, for thinking a song would make up for her pain if she shed just a single tear because of him.</p><p>But then he thinks of his mom, of the song that took too long to find her. How she thanked Julie, how relieved his dad looked. 25 years of grief that might have been eased if his song reached them earlier.</p><p>He can’t make that mistake twice. Julie needs to find it.</p><p>Even if he might have to cross a boundary for that.</p><p>As his eyes eventually run dry, Luke sits up straight.</p><p>“You feeling better?” Reggie wants to know.</p><p>“Yeah. Thanks, guys.” He sounds hoarse, the way he did after their first real gigs at 14.</p><p>Reggie smiles at him, bumping his knee in a silent reassurance.</p><p>“Are you gonna play it for her?” Alex asks quietly into the dim studio.</p><p>His heart already crumbles into pieces at the idea of playing this song and having to face her reaction. His voice wouldn’t even carry him through the first chorus.</p><p>Luke shakes his head.</p><p>Grimacing, Alex nods toward his notebook. “Don’t forget to write a clean version, then. You know, one she can read.”</p><p>“Fuck off,” Luke mumbles back, reaching for his pen and notebook.</p><p>This time, he writes slowly, every stroke on the paper filling it with one more love letter.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Had no idea right at the start </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t care to lose my heart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But then you pulled me out</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Out of the dark </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As that spark of your first smile</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brought me back to life </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Looking at the lyrics in front of him, he feels like he’s staring at his open heart on the page. With a sigh, he scribbles one last thing into the right corner – <em>Thank you, Julie</em>.</p><p>“Hey, Luke,” Reggie calls for his attention the moment his pen stops moving. “What if you record it for her?”</p><p>“And how is he supposed to do that?” Alex rolls his eyes before Luke can answer, “Julie always set up the recording gear, and we can’t exactly ask her for help here.” </p><p>“You’re right,” Luke mumbles, biting his lip. None of them knows how to actually record a song. Back in their Sunset Curve days, Bobby took care of that, and they didn’t have the time now to figure out the equipment Julie’s mom left behind.</p><p>“I could borrow one of Ray’s cameras. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>“Yeah, because he’d be totally fine with finding a video of his empty garage with a ghost singing a love song to his daughter.”</p><p>“It’s not a love song,” Luke protests. <em>It’s a goodbye</em>.</p><p>Alex raises his eyebrows at him.</p><p>Clicking his tongue, Reggie throws his hands up in the air. “Alright, I get it. No to Ray’s camera.” He sounds only a little bit offended.</p><p>“I’m sorry, guys, but it’s useless,” Luke sighs. “She’ll just have to read it, I guess. I – I’ll leave her a note and hopefully she’ll find it then.”</p><p>He poofs out before they can discover the new shimmer in his eyes.</p><hr/><p>He finds the shadows in her bedroom lighter than he expected. The moon shines bright in its round glory, high up in the sky and yet close enough to caress Julie’s cheek in her dreams. It falls on her hair spread out on the pillow, and illuminates the peaceful expression on her face.</p><p>She looks like a painting in a museum, if the people in the portraits slept with their mouth open.</p><p>Tearing his gaze away, Luke sneaks over to her desk.</p><p>There’s a pencil she used as a bookmark for her chemistry textbook, and underneath it, a blank sticky note. His heart heavy in his chest, Luke jots down the first thing that floats around in his head. It’ll have to do.</p><p>When he glances over his shoulder, she’s still sleeping. He carefully shoves the pencil back between the pages, then tiptoes over to the shelf beside her bed.</p><p>His hand hovers above the box. Her dream box.</p><p>“That’s off limits,” he hears her snap in his memory.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Julie,” he whispers into the dark, slipping the note inside.</p><p>As soon as he closes the box, he knows he should leave. Poof out. Let her sleep. But the sound of her calm breaths lingers like a melody, and he never grows tired of looking at her, won’t ever, no matter what waits for him on the other side.</p><p>She shifts around on the mattress, tossing until she faces him.</p><p>Luke kneels down in front of her bed.</p><p>Up close, her lips draw him in. He almost got lost at the sight once, when he forgot the crowd, the boys, his hotdog fallacy. Her mouth still looks soft in the moonlight. If Luke could dream, kissing her would be his unfinished business.</p><p>Does Julie ever dream of him?</p><p>He forces his gaze away from her mouth. She’s so beautiful, it’s easy to find something else to admire. Asleep, she looks younger. Too young to lose her mom, too young to deal with ghosts and crossing over and stupid marks that they could have avoided if they just showed up for her.</p><p>“You deserved better,” he mumbles, then shakes his head at himself. He should leave. No matter how much being by her side calms him down, he has no excuse to cross her boundaries like this.</p><p>But there’s a strand of her hair resting on her cheek that escaped her ponytail.</p><p>His hand reaches out to her before he remembers he knows better. He tries to focus, tries to imagine the reward of actually touching her, if only for a blink of time.</p><p>He phases right through her.</p><p>Grimacing, Luke jolts back on his feet as the voice inside his head shouts at him. Would he never learn? The moment that note was in her dream box, he should’ve had the decency to poof out rather than torture himself and risk waking Julie up. If she woke up to him by her bed, if she asked him out of dreamy brown eyes what he was doing, he couldn’t lie. He’d tell her and break both of their hearts. Or at least his own, dead or not.</p><p>No, it was better for her to read his notebook once they were gone.</p><p>Just as he’s about to leave, he spots her phone on the nightstand.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Julie,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know my notebook is safe with you. These are your songs now. Go shine bright forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, Luke </em>
</p><hr/><p>He lands on the couch, right next to Alex.</p><p>“Dude!” he yells, jumping a bit at his sudden appearance before he scolds him with his glare. “Please tell me you didn’t take so long because you watched her sleep.”</p><p>“Yeah, man, that’s creepy,” Reggie adds from the floor, a new house of cards in front of him.</p><p>Alex tilts his head and snorts. “You tell Ray bedtime stories, Reginald. I don’t think you have any ground to judge him.” Turning to Luke, he rolls his eyes, the hint of a smirk on his face. It dies when he glimpses at his hands. “Wait, is that Julie’s phone?”</p><p>“Yeah, I borrowed it so we can record the song.”</p><p>A sigh escapes his lips as Alex rubs his temples. “Luke, that’s… don’t you think she has a password or something? How do you want to unlock it?”</p><p>“No worries,” Luke grins, his fingers hurrying over the keyboard. When her home screen appears, he holds it up for the boys to see. “See?”</p><p>“How did you do that?” Reggie gasps, knocking over his house of cards. Still staring at the photo of Flynn and Julie cuddling on the sofa, he doesn’t even notice.</p><p>“Her pin code is the day she first met Flynn.”</p><p>“Aww!”</p><p>“And how do you know that?” Alex inquires. “From her dream box?”</p><p>Shaking his head, Luke bumps his shoulder. “No, that’s just for lyrics. She told me last month, when we were writing songs.”</p><p>Finally, the tension leaves Alex’ body. Gently taking the phone out of Luke’s hand, he nods toward his guitar. “Well, okay, then. I guess you have a song to perform.”</p><hr/><p>The morning sun slowly creeps through the windows when Julie storms into the studio.</p><p>“Have you guys seen my phone?” she pants in the opened door, her gaze hurrying back and forth through the room, soon followed by her.</p><p>She doesn’t notice the wide-eyed glare the boys share.</p><p>“Uh, nope,” Alex shakes his head. Reggie glimpses at him, then shrugs.</p><p>With a desperate sigh, she turns to Luke.</p><p>“Maybe you left it in the house somewhere? Did you check your pockets?” he asks, rubbing his neck. Behind Julie, he sees Alex waving with her phone in his hand.</p><p>“I did, but I just can’t find it. Flynn wanted to send me a Pinterest board for our next gig and call me so we could chat about possible outfits.”</p><p>“She can send you a board through your phone?” Reggie gasps.</p><p>Julie frowns. “No, it’s… you know what, I’ll show you later. Once I found my stupid phone.” With one more sigh, she marches over to the coffee table. When she can’t find it between the mess, she begins to take the couch apart.</p><p>Grimacing, Alex raises his eyebrows at Luke.</p><p>“Oh, hey, Julie, I have an idea!” Luke exclaims, walking closer to her until she’s right in front of him. Their eyes meet, her chocolate iris melting in the golden light and for a moment, all he can think about is how he didn’t praise them in his song.</p><p>“Yeah?” There’s no hurry in her voice anymore, no frustration.</p><p>“Why don’t you take a break, you know, for a moment, and then we search for your phone together? You could play me that song your mom wrote you.”</p><p>Hesitation lingers in her gaze, so he blinks at her and pouts, “I never got to fully hear it, and your voice is so beautiful. And I always find what I’m looking for right when I stop searching. Pretty please?”</p><p>For a moment, he’s sure she can see right through him. But then she groans and sinks down on the bench in front of the piano. “One day, your puppy eyes aren’t going to work anymore,” she grumbles.</p><p>He flashes her a grin and sits next to her.</p><p>Just as the first note echoes through the studio, he watches Alex poof out. He’s back before Julie’s voice pulls Luke in.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Here’s the one thing I want you to know </em>
</p><p> </p><p>One thing. If he was brave enough, he wouldn’t just tell her one thing. He’d tell her all the things he fit into his song, and then all the others. How amazing she is, how he wishes he could touch her, just once, how he wants to hug her and promise her she’ll be okay.</p><p>“Though I wish I could hold you through it,” she sings, and he hastily blinks his tears away as she sends him a smile. He tells himself that it’s fine, that she’ll make it through, because after all, this is Julie.</p><p>Then he lets go of the shadows in his mind that still linger from the night, so he can take her in. Playing. Singing. Smiling. (He can’t believe he had to die before he found her.)</p><p>The song ends too soon.</p><p>On the couch, Reggie sniffles loudly.</p><p>“That was beautiful,” Alex whispers.</p><p>Head tilted, Julie glimpses at Luke. He recognizes that look from his parents’ front porch. The same spark glistened in her eyes when she asked him to trust her. If only he deserved it, if only he deserved <em>her</em>…</p><p>“Promise me you’ll remember this song, okay? Always.” His own voice betrays him – it sounds too vulnerable, too earnest.</p><p>Her brows furrow in confusion. “Uh, sure. Everything alright?”</p><p>Yes. No. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know until her lips curl into a gentle smile, only for him, and he realizes that no matter what waits for him on the other side, at least he has her now. And that’s enough.</p><p>“Sure. Let’s go find your phone, Jules.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You made it to the end! And hopefully without a breakdown thinking about Luke wanting to leave something behind for Julie when they cross over!<br/>To be honest, I am playing around with the idea of a second part for this, but I don't know- guess I'll have to fuck around and find out. Comments and kudos (and tissue counts, if needed) will be greatly appreciated :D<br/>Have a great rest of your day! ♥</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. You saw me start to believe for the first time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Julie finds the note Luke left in her dream box. When she asks about it, Luke turns into a mess. And why won't she show him her new song?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You asked for it, I wrote it!<br/>The chapter title is from "Mine" by Taylor Swift, and the song Luke listens to is "Better Man" by 5 Seconds of Summer. And just in case: Luke's opinion on country music isn't my own ^^<br/>I really enjoyed writing this part, and I'd like to thank <a href="https://hummingbooks.tumblr.com/">my bff</a> for the fun we had while we came up with what ended up being my favorite scene in the fic!<br/>Hope you enjoy this part ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He loses her the moment they wrap up their rehearsal.</p><p>As soon as the last note fades into silence, Julie’s back in her own world. After a week, the sight is painfully familiar – her on the piano bench, humming lyrics Luke never quite understands, and playing the same chords over and over again. He could play the melody in his sleep by now. If he still slept.</p><p>It’s too much for him. He hates it, hates everything. The not-so-subtle change of topic whenever he asks about the song, the way she avoids looking at him, the humming. God damnit, the humming! It’s driving him insane.</p><p>Although the smile on her face as her fingers breeze over the keys is kind of adorable…</p><p>“She’s still working on that melody, huh?” Next to Luke, Alex heaves himself off his stool, nodding at Julie.</p><p>Luke shrugs, his gaze already stuck on her. “Yeah. I don’t know why she doesn’t want me to help. We’re <em>good</em> when we’re writing together.” A grin spreads over his face as he turns to Alex. “But you were awesome, man! Great energy!”</p><p>The compliment barely lures a smile out of his best friend. “Thanks,” he replies with half a sigh and pats his shoulder. “Um, I’ll go and see if I can find Willie, make sure he’s okay.”</p><p>“Alex, are you sure that’s…”</p><p><em>Poof</em>.</p><p>“A good idea,” Luke mumbles.</p><p>Reggie catches his gaze and shrugs at him. As far as they know, Willie is hiding somewhere out of their reach. They spent the last few days searching for him – during Julie’s school days, dinner time, the nights. There’s no trace of him to be found. A few days ago, Alex hadn’t stopped pacing up and down the studio before he disappeared, no warning, no goodbye. Luke had argued back and forth with Julie – he knew Alex wasn’t okay and insisted on following him, she knew they had to stay away from Caleb. The picture of tears glimmering in Julie’s eyes burned into his memory, Luke had grabbed Reggie and thought of Alex.</p><p>He was standing in the middle of a museum, surrounded by modern art, screaming at the top of his lungs. Weirdly enough, he seemed calm, almost peaceful even, after that.</p><p>(Maybe Luke really couldn’t handle his friends crying. His <em>family</em>.)</p><p>“I’m worried about him,” he admits.</p><p>Reggie nudges his shoulder, an inexplicable smile on his lips. “I mean I’m sure you know what that’s like.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Imagine if that was you and Julie. You’d search the whole city for her.”</p><p>Luke’s eyes immediately dart back to the piano. Not just the city, he thinks as Julie leans into the rhythm, eyes blissfully closed.</p><p>“Or, you know, me and Ray. I’d be <em>devastated</em>,” Reggie adds, grimacing.</p><p>Luke gives him a gentle shove. “I just want him to be happy.”</p><p>“He’ll talk about it when he’s ready. He always does, remember? But,” the grin comes back in full force, “talking about being happy, I’m gonna treat myself.”</p><p>A wink, and he’s gone.</p><p><em>Treat myself</em>.</p><p>He wishes Flynn never taught Reggie these phrases that neither him nor Alex fully understand. Last time, Reggie’s idea of treating himself was to sprawl out on the couch next to Ray, changing the radio to a country station and singing a story about a girl named Betty for the rest of the day. Sometimes, Luke wonders how this is his family.</p><p>Country music, out of everything.</p><p>His eyes widen.</p><p><em>Oh no</em>.</p><p>Is that why Julie refuses to show him her new song? Does he have a crush on someone who writes country music?</p><p>No. No way. She wouldn’t do him dirty like this. She loves rock. Sweet, talented, smart Julie.</p><p>That humming has to stop, though.</p><p>“Seems like it’s just you and me,” he announces, strolling over to her and sinking down on her bench. His fingers brush over her back before he rests them in his lap. Their arms bump against each other.</p><p>She looks up at him out of wide eyes, the setting sunlight like caramel sprinkles in a chocolate sea.</p><p>“You and me and that mysterious melody.”</p><p>His smile comes easy, too easy, but he’s long given up on fighting it around her. It stays plastered on his face even as she glances down on the keys.</p><p>“Oh. That. Uh, it’s nothing, really.”</p><p>Gently, he gives her a nudge. “Nothing, yeah? Jules, you’ve been playing that for a week now. Why don’t we tackle that new song together? Like we always do?”</p><p>The corners of his mouth curl up further as he looks at her. He thinks of that magical weekend, just him and her and four songs. Writing with her flooded his heart with more happiness than any applause, any stage in the world ever did, ever could, and now he’s craving to drown in that feeling again.</p><p>She doesn’t smile back.</p><p>“Luke, I told you, it’s nothing,” she snaps. Jumps up. Leaves. Doesn’t look back.</p><p>His eyes linger on the garage door long after it slammed shut.</p><p>(Sometimes he wishes he could poof himself into her head.)</p>
<hr/><p>“Did she let you work on the song?” Alex asks later, not long after the lights in the house flicker out.</p><p>“No,” he admits in a whisper. </p><p>The memory haunts him all night.</p>
<hr/><p>She walks in again after school. Flynn is by her side and almost sits on Luke’s lap before he teleports himself next to Alex’ drums, as far away as possible. Julie’s laugh echoes through the studio, quickly joined by her bandmates.</p><p>Rubbing his neck, he focuses on his guitar strings.</p><p>“Sorry, Luke, I know that seat is reserved for someone else,” Flynn grins into his direction, eyebrows wiggling.</p><p>He swallows hard. Maybe he should change the strings later… they suddenly look grayish, like a dark autumn sky. The thought vanishes in the blink of an eye when he catches Julie’s gaze and a delicate smile hushes over her lips.</p><p>He beams back at her before he realizes.</p><p>(If she hums the same mysterious melody three hours later, he lets it slide.)</p>
<hr/><p>Julie doesn’t talk to him the next day, but her music is. He’s lying on the couch, headphones plugged into the stereo, as the rhythms of one of her CDs whisk his mind away. The studio is peaceful like this. Alone. Just him and the music she loves enough to keep on her shelf, and maybe a daydream or two about her smile and her arms wrapped around him. Every time he listens to a new album from her collection, he feels closer to her, like he’s unlocking another part of who she is.</p><p>“All of my wrongs, they led me right to you,” the singer confesses into his ears, as a smile hushes over Luke’s face.</p><p>“Wrapped in your arms, I swear I’d die for your love,” he hums along to the next line – and almost feels like dying when suddenly, there’s a hand on his naked arm. (Can ghosts get a heart attack?)</p><p>His eyes flutter open to Julie.</p><p>He rips the headphones off.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you! It’s just… can we talk for a second?”</p><p>Sitting up, he leaves just enough space for her next to him, but she doesn’t move. “Sure, Jules,” he smiles. “What is it?”</p><p>No smile back. For a second worry flashes through him like lightning, until he remembers her mysterious song, and then it feels like he got struck twice. Is she afraid he won’t like it? That he won’t help her with it? Does she realize he’d do anything for her?</p><p>She fumbles for something in the pocket of her jeans. His breath hitches.</p><p>A yellow sticky note.</p><p><em>Oh no</em>.</p><p>No, no, no, no, no.</p><p>His smile crumbles, along with his heart. When did she find that? Did she cry when she read it? He prays she didn’t cry.</p><p>Julie clears her throat, eyes stuck on him. “What’s this?” she asks, voice hoarse.</p><p>“Um. A note, I guess?”</p><p>Tilting her head, she raises her eyebrows at him. Her gaze doesn’t leave him, and he rubs his knees, tries to <em>think</em>, tries to find any explanation that can save him, but he can’t help it, he looks up at her and the serious expression on her face freezes him. How can he feel so alive at the same time he feels like he’s dying inside? Again?</p><p>“Why do you wanna know?” he croaks.</p><p>“Well, it was in my dream box. And I’m pretty sure that’s your handwriting.” Her arms are crossed now, and he knows he’s a bad liar, he knows she can see right through him, like everyone else usually does.</p><p>“Julie, look, I can…”</p><p>“Why did you want me to find your notebook?” she interrupts him. “Did you really want me to just take your songs? Pretend they’re mine? Like Trevor did?”</p><p>In the second he realizes her meaning, relief floods him only to leave him stranded in the desert again as she bites her lips and tears her gaze away from him. Even though she’s standing in front of him, even though he’s still sitting on the couch, she seems so much smaller now.</p><p>“No,” he whispers. His voice breaks. Slowly, he reaches out, his fingers brushing hers. “I… I knew they’d be safe with you. You’re nothing like Bobby.”</p><p>“You really trust me like that?”</p><p>In a newfound moment of courage, he intertwines her hand with his own. The gentle smile she rewards him with makes him feel warmer than any performance of his afterlife did. “Of course, Julie. And I… I wanted you to have something from me. You know, when we…” The sentence dies on his lips.</p><p>“Thanks,” she mutters back. Their eyes meet. The corner of his lips inevitably curl up and the look on her face is so <em>soft</em>, he almost forgets what she could find in his notebook, almost forgets he’s dead and she’s breathtakingly alive and there’s no way that she feels the same.</p><p>Almost.</p><p>She blinks, and the moment slips right out of his hands.</p><p>“Um, so, there’s one more thing.” Her fingers no longer hold onto him, leaving him only to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear. He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip to fight the impulse to pout at her.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I was scrolling through my phone and there’s this video in my gallery? It was clearly taken in the studio. At night. But I don’t remember recording anything and so, I’m just wondering…” her gaze bores into him, “what would happen if I played this?”</p><p>He’s dead. He knows he can die again. He wants to. He wants to, but he doesn’t want to leave her, and he can’t believe he thought recording that song was a good idea. If she listened to it…</p><p>“Wait, you didn’t watch it?”</p><p>“No, but I can…” she starts, already unlocking the screen.</p><p>“No!” Luke jumps up, shouting back too quickly. Too loudly.</p><p>Frowning, she lets her finger hover over the keyboard. “Luke, what is going on?”</p><p>Her gaze is too much. Ruffling through his hair, he takes a step back. Another one. “Nothing. I promise. Just… just forget it.” His voice quivers. Lost, he glimpses at his wrist. “Shouldn’t we practice? We should totally practice. Let’s go.”</p><p>He turns around. His guitar waits by the armchair. He can make it, she won’t ever know, she…</p><p>The first chord echoes through the studio.</p><p>Flinching, he turns back around.  She stares at him, eyes wide open like a scared puppy.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Had no idea right at the start</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t care to lose my heart</em>
</p><p> </p><p>If there are any words in the world to explain this to her, to try and save himself, they all left him. He knows that technically, he could shrug it off as a mere <em>thank you</em>. A <em>goodbye</em> and a <em>please remember me</em>. He could pretend that it’s not a love song – clearly – that he doesn’t write love songs. </p><p>If it wasn’t for that goddamn bridge.</p><p>During the first chorus, a tear rolls down her face.</p><p>It’s too much. He can’t handle it, he can’t watch her when his voice will inevitably admit he fell for her, he can’t handle it, his feelings, his heart in his hands for her to break, her tears.</p><p>It’s too much.</p><p>So he leaves.</p>
<hr/><p>Would he ever learn that running away didn’t solve anything?</p>
<hr/><p>He poofs back into the studio a minute before band practice. His eyes hurry through the room, searching for the comfort of Alex’ gaze, of Reggie’s content smile. All they find, however, is Julie sitting in front of the piano as her fingers dance over the keys.</p><p>She’s playing his song.</p><p>“Oh,” he gasps quietly. Bites his tongue. The guilt sitting in his stomach whispers that he doesn’t deserve just a single glance from her, not when he ran away, not when he crossed her boundaries and left her crying and –</p><p>“Luke, hey,” she smiles at him.</p><p>The curve of her lips nearly knocks him off his feet. Speechless, he stares at her, wondering if he imagines the sparkle in her eyes.</p><p>Chuckling, she resumes playing. “I think we’ll have to wait a bit longer for the boys. Reggie wanted to follow my dad to a shooting and I’m pretty sure Alex is at Carrie’s dance rehearsal.” </p><p>With a slow nod, Luke glances around the studio. He rubs his neck. Shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Steals a glance at Julie.</p><p>Did she never listen to his lyrics past the chorus? Did she miss his confession? Did she forget she was crying? Did she forget his cop-out? Does he want her to?</p><p>The thoughts whirl through his mind like unfinished melodies and half-written lines. The silence between them rings in his ears, louder than the music lingering in the air. He doesn’t know what to say, how to get a single word past the clump in his throat.</p><p>Tongue-tied, Luke drops on the couch.</p><p>His notebook is on the coffee table, wide open. Frowning, he pulls it closer. (He doesn’t notice how Julie takes a deep breath or how she misses a note.)</p><p>That’s not his handwriting.</p><p><em>Perfect Harmony</em>, scribbled in neat, slightly loopy letters. It doesn’t sound like one of Reggie’s country songs.</p><p>“Um, Julie? Did you write into my notebook?” he asks, voice pitching. He clears his throat.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I did,” she says, another smile on her face. “Sorry, I couldn’t find any other paper.”</p><p>Glimpsing back at the table, Luke blinks in confusion. There’s a notepad full of empty sheets right next to his notebook, yet she chose the one thing he cherishes more than his guitars?</p><p>The realization hits him harder than any of Caleb’s jolts.</p><p>“Wait, is this your new song?”</p><p>“I guess so, yeah.”</p><p>Smiling. She’s still smiling. He left her <em>crying</em>, and the expression on her face has never been softer, never intoxicated him more than it does now.</p><p>Holding a breath in his empty lungs, he begins to read, eyes jumping back and forth on the page in their hurry. <em>The truth is finally breaking through</em>, he reads, and then, <em>you and me together is more than chemistry</em>.</p><p>At first, he thinks of Nick. How obvious his crush on Julie is, how she couldn’t have missed the way he flirted with her. How he gets to spend dance class with her, and the music program. How he’s so many things Luke isn’t – most importantly, <em>alive</em>.</p><p>But would she smile at him like that if this song was about Nick?</p><p>His feet stumble to her, until he sits next to her on the bench, in the position they end up in so often these days. With the corners of her mouth twitching up, she gently nudges his shoulder.</p><p>“It’s… it’s great, Jules. You’re an amazing writer,” he confesses.</p><p>He wants to ask why she didn’t show him earlier, why she was so determined to hide it away. The question lingers on the tip of his tongue, but he knows he has no right to ask that, out of all people. Not when he would have hidden his own song from her if she had only given him the chance.</p><p>“Thanks,” she whispers.</p><p>Slowly, he intertwines her hand with his. Her thumb caresses his skin in a silent encouragement. He squeezes back.</p><p>His name stumbles over her lips.</p><p>Looking up, he drowns in her eyes.</p><p>“You realize… I mean, you know I wrote this about you, right? Us.”</p>
<hr/><p>There’s a few things Luke knows: her hand in his own is soft and warm, like a tiny but gentle hug. She’s the kindest person he ever met, in either life. He wants to hold her for eternity, and that urge never falters, not even a little.</p><p>And she wrote a song about him.</p><p>What he doesn’t know right now? How to cope.</p><p>(Another thing he doesn’t know: Reggie appears just in time to listen to their conversation. When Alex shows up, he sees how Luke’s jaw drops.)</p><p>Julie stares at him. A frown gradually takes over her face, but he can’t say anything, he’s frozen in time as the volcano of his emotions erupts and spills all over his mind. He knows she’s waiting, for a reaction, a word, just <em>something</em>. He can’t.</p><p>He can’t believe she wrote him a love song before she even heard his.</p><p>“What’s his deal?” Alex whispers to Reggie on the couch.</p><p>“I think Julie broke him. Wrote a song about him or something.”</p><p>Slowly nodding, Alex keeps his eyes on Luke.</p><p>He doesn’t hear anything. He just feels. Julie’s hand in his. The weight of his feelings for her, lifting off his shoulders. The dizziness from wondering if this is just a dream, if Caleb will show up any moment and ruin things, like he did before.</p><p>Mostly, though, he feels the smile that’s stuck on his face.</p><p>“He looks a bit…” Alex mumbles, gesturing wildly as he searches for the right word.</p><p>“Like a squirrel on ecstasy?”</p><p>“You know, I was gonna say out of it, but you’re right, Reg. He looks like a squirrel on ecstasy.”</p><p>Their merely contained giggling catches Julie’s attentions. Groaning, she jumps up and storms out of the door, leaving Luke alone on the bench.</p><p>His eyes follow her. The rest of him doesn’t go anywhere. Not even his smile.</p><p>Eyebrows raised, Alex throws one of his drumsticks at him. It passes right through his head.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Welcome back!” Alex chuckles, nudging Reggie and shaking his head at Luke.</p><p>His gaze darts to the drumstick right behind him on the floor. He picks it up. Stares at it, then at Alex, then at his hands again. Then, it clicks. “Hey, was that really necessary?”</p><p>The snort coming from the couch is not exactly the answer Luke hoped to hear. “Yeah, dude. It was.”</p><p>“What was that even for?” Reggie asks.</p><p>Smirking as he leans in, Alex quietly admits, “The drama,” then turns back to Luke. “Now go after your girl, will you?”</p><p>For the second time today, Luke poofs out of the studio. The sound of his friends’ laughter haunts him even as he finds himself in the hallway of Julie’s home.</p>
<hr/><p>His hand hovers inches away from the door.</p><p>Every moment stretches into its own eternity, every second gives him more time to worry about boundaries and tears and her inevitable realization that she deserves someone more alive than a ghost.</p><p>But she wrote him a song, he whispers to himself.</p><p>She wrote him a song and it’s beautiful, of course, and maybe he doesn’t have to be jealous of Nick again.</p><p>Swallowing down his fears, he knocks.</p><p>“Come in!” Julie shouts.</p><p>To his relief, she doesn’t sound like she’s crying. She doesn’t curse him either as he slowly walks in. Just watches him from her bed. Waits.</p><p>He sinks into the bean bag in front of her bed. </p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>“Hi,” she echoes, the tiniest hint of a smile hushing over her mouth.</p><p>“So,” Luke says, resting his arms on the mattress and his head on his hands. When he glances up and their eyes meet, his grin breaks free like the sun after a cloudy morning. “You wrote a song about me?”</p><p>Rolling her eyes, Julie tries to shove his arm off the bed. “Oh, shut up.”</p><p>“I didn’t really say anything.” Not out loud, at least. What the expression on his face says isn’t exactly under his control right now – his cheeks are already beginning to hurt.</p><p>He couldn’t care less.</p><p>“See, this is why I didn’t want you to know,” Julie sighs, although her lips quickly curl into a smile when his grin deepens. “I knew you were gonna be insufferable about it.”</p><p>He licks his lips. Tears his gaze away from hers. “Oof, that’s a big word coming from someone as small as you.”</p><p>Her hand shoots forward to slap him on the arm, but he’s quicker than her and catches her hand. Holding on to it, the expression on his face melts into something so soft that her breath hitches. “Seriously, though, thanks. It’s a great song. <em>You’re</em> great, Julie. I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to tell you before.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you wrote something so beautiful for me,” she whispers back.</p><p>In return, he squeezes her hand. “You deserve it.”</p><p>For a moment, silence settles between them, filled with their smiles and the unspoken promises of their lyrics. Her thumb rubs over his skin in delicate circles.</p><p>He’s never been this happy in the quiet before.</p><p>Chuckling, Julie nods him closer. “Come here, you dork.”</p><p>There’s nothing else he’d rather do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wuhuu, you finished this fic! I hope this didn't leave any of you crying, and maybe you even laughed a little bit. At least I hope you did...<br/>Find me on Tumblr as <a href="https://smolfangirl.tumblr.com/">smolfangirl</a> if you want to gush over the show with me or talk about my WIPs, and subscribe if you're interested in what my brain spits out next :D</p>
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